A bold and witty piece calling out the outdated expectations placed on Nepali brides, especially the modern buhari navigating tradition and autonomy. It’s a rallying cry to stop the judgment, embrace change, and treat women as equals and not robotic perfe

Whenever a marriage takes place, be it love or arranged, in an Asian patriarchal society like ours, the bride-to-be is “x-rayed” more thoroughly than at an airport security checkpoint. Her parents, her culture, her upbringing, her education, her bank balance, her third-grade report card - nothing is off limits. The entire investigation boils down to one question: “Is this girl the right/best fit for my son and family?” Like the boy is some kind of limited-edition Rolex.

And once the family gives the green light (or the green signal, because we love our traffic metaphors), she finally steps into the holy matrimony of marriage. Ta-da!

Fast forward a few days, and suddenly the new buhari is under more surveillance than a high-security prisoner. The way she walks, talks, eats, sits, breathes - even her oxygen consumption is reviewed. Enter the aunties and uncles from the “Buhari Judging Association,” comparing her to a mythical, invisible buhari who could probably cook 10 dishes at once while doing yoga in a saree. Oh, and don’t forget the relatives who start every sentence with, “When I was a buhari…”

A boy is born and is immediately handed the invisible baton to run the legacy and the family business. Meanwhile, when a girl is born, she’s handed a to-do list: look after the household, eat less, look thin, wear nice clothes, talk less, and please keep those fancy degrees and bold opinions zipped.

Yes yes, I hear you. Things have changed. I’m grateful for that. But have they really changed to the level where women and men are on par?

Hell, no.

Today’s modern buhari is a whole new species. She’s educated, independent, confident, and most importantly- unapologetically herself. So how do we “domesticate” her?

The answer is: We can't. Please stop trying.

There is only one way to make things work; accept the change and change your expectations. That’s it. That’s the tweet.

Give her time and space to adjust
She’s just left her own house, her parents, her comfort zone, and Netflix account (probably). She’s now living with strangers who expect her to rise at 5 AM and make bed tea before she’s had time to figure out which way the bathroom is. How about we let her breathe first?

Working wives are still a taboo
She’s spent 20+ years getting an education, acing exams, probably topping the university and you want her to quit and master the art of folding saris? Let her work, let her earn. She’s not just building a career; she’s building self-worth (and maybe planning your retirement gift too).

She is not out to grab your son or your throne
Calm down, this is not Game of Thrones. She didn’t marry your son to overthrow you and become the Queen Mother. She wants peace, not power. So instead of playing “Who knows him best,” let’s create an environment where both of you work together for the betterment of the family. (And yes, she also loves him. Surprise!)

Round chapatis and good tea
Ah yes, the sacred test of domesticity. Apparently, if her chapatis are not round enough to be used as geometry instruments and her tea doesn’t heal your chakras, she’s a failure. Let me tell you—if she can cook, amazing. If not, Foodmandu is always a call away. And honestly, your son should be able to boil his own tea by now.

Taking care of family is just one of her many responsibilities
Today’s buhari doesn’t think that “ghar shambalnu” is her sole purpose in life. It’s a shared responsibility. Respect that. And while you’re at it, stop giving her passive-aggressive reminders about “how we used to do things in our time.” If your time had WiFi and air fryers, maybe she’d consider it.

Children—They’re old enough to plan their wedding, they’re definitely old enough to plan their family.
Stop dropping hints, stop sharing herbal remedies, and for heaven’s sake, stop making every cough sound like a pregnancy symptom. Let them figure it out. They’re grown adults, not contestants on a fertility reality show.

Religious beliefs
Let’s keep God out of this. Seriously. Worship is personal. If she doesn’t want to do daily pujas, it doesn’t mean she’s an atheist criminal. Let her vibe with her own version of God. It’s between her and the divine. Not you and your Excel sheet of rituals.

Virginity
Ah, the grand prize. We’ve all heard the double standards. Groom has “experience”—wow, what a man. Bride has experience—gasp, horror. Fun fact: A lot of brides fake it anyway. So, unless you want to verify everyone’s past like Sherlock Holmes, let’s just move on and accept people for who they are. Past, present, and all.

Setting boundaries
Here’s the mic-drop moment. Relationships are about understanding and communication. If you want harmony, listen to each other. Communicate like adults. And yes, set boundaries. They’re not fences, they’re healthy guidelines. And women, you included, must lead this change. Because what we went through should not be repeated for the next generation.

Let’s uplift each other. Let’s stop the judging. Let’s normalize happy, imperfect, evolving families.

And please for the love of all round chapatis everywhere stop expecting her to be a robot in a saree.