I had always loved picking my child up after school. Her eyes would light up seeing me and she would run and throw herself at me, hugging me tight. That very moment I knew I meant the world to her! But that was then, with her now growing up and hitting puberty there has been a shift—a gradual but a drastic shift. I no longer pick her up from school (because it's embarrassing for her) but wait for her to come back home, and when she does, I ask her chirpily, “How was your day?” She replies (rolling her eyes), “Like any other day, Mom!” Ok, I get it that my child is growing up and she wants her fair space, but the bottom line is—IT HURTS! Everyone around me told me that once you get over the first initial years of raising the child then it is always a cakewalk. However, no one prepared me for this and I am definitely not finding things easy and I am really anxious with thoughts like— Why is she growing up so fast? Does she not want me anymore? Will she stop loving me? Who is going to protect her from the big bad world out there? Am I not doing things right? These thoughts were not helping me and I started feeling paranoid. I wanted to protect her, guide her, tell her what is right and wrong. However, in the whole process of doing all the above things, we had more fights, more tears, and a much more strained relationship. I was totally lost and was feeling worse than before. The only thing I was sure of was that I needed help. I started seeking support through friends/relatives who had faced the same issue, went through various articles on the internet, heard a lot of podcasts about puberty, and discussed things at length with my spouse. And finally, after a lot of ups and downs and a whole lot of mistakes, these are the lessons that I learnt and applied personally in my parenting: Control to connection I think this would be my most important and valuable learning of parenting. As a child grows, we need to lessen our control over them and try to deepen our connection with them. Instead of bossing around and making them feel scared, we need to become their friends/mentors and make them feel comfortable in our presence. Accepting change We need to accept that our kids are growing, changing, and evolving into adults. We need to accept that change is inevitable and actually helps in their progressive development. Trying to resist change only makes things harder for both the children and parents. Change of mindset As parents, we need to change our mindsets that the kids will not accept or do things as they are told, they have every right to say no or question things and that is perfectly normal. Deal with your own emotional stress As parents and caretakers of our children, we too go through a lot of emotional stress. Yoga, meditation, hanging out with my friends has always been a stress buster for me. I would strongly recommend you to choose yours. It's only when you are at peace can you make others happy. Prioritize yourself Somehow, we have been conditioned as parents that a child always comes first and this whole thought process makes us take a backseat. However, I would suggest that all parents should start focusing on their needs and what makes them happy and have absolutely no regret about it. Let them make their own mistakes When we have made our own share of mistakes and learnt from them, then our kids should also be allowed to make mistakes and learn. Trust me, this makes them into a more cautious and confident adult. Be there to mentor No one likes bosses. Be there to mentor and guide them when needed. Do not push your ideas or your decisions on them since they will only fire back! Perfect parent or child There is nothing like a perfect child or a parent, so please stop stressing. Enjoy your journey, because this too shall pass. As a parent, remember that you also are growing and learning. Please do not be harsh on yourself and keep doing self-appreciation even if no one does! Fast forward to today, my child is almost an adult. We still have our share of fights and tears. She has started boarding school and leaving her on her own has been one of my toughest decisions ever. Having said that, I have learned that we as parents have to go with the flow, learn to let go, and believe in them and in our upbringing. The more we try to control them, the more they would want to try and break free. So, trust yourself and trust them and make beautiful memories in this amazing journey of parenting. Remember to enjoy every hardship too because these moments are never coming back.

When children hit puberty, the real shift often happens within the parents. This story captures the silent struggles, changing dynamics, and the journey from control to connection.

Puberty hits hard… but, more so on the parents!

I had always loved picking my child up after school. Her eyes would light up seeing me and she would run and throw herself at me, hugging me tight. That very moment I knew I meant the world to her!

But that was then, with her now growing up and hitting puberty there has been a shift—a gradual but a drastic shift. I no longer pick her up from school (because it's embarrassing for her) but wait for her to come back home, and when she does, I ask her chirpily, “How was your day?” She replies (rolling her eyes), “Like any other day, Mom!” Ok, I get it that my child is growing up and she wants her fair space, but the bottom line is—IT HURTS!

Everyone around me told me that once you get over the first initial years of raising the child then it is always a cakewalk. However, no one prepared me for this and I am definitely not finding things easy and I am really anxious with thoughts like—
Why is she growing up so fast?
Does she not want me anymore?
Will she stop loving me?
Who is going to protect her from the big bad world out there?
Am I not doing things right?

These thoughts were not helping me and I started feeling paranoid. I wanted to protect her, guide her, tell her what is right and wrong. However, in the whole process of doing all the above things, we had more fights, more tears, and a much more strained relationship. I was totally lost and was feeling worse than before. The only thing I was sure of was that I needed help.

I started seeking support through friends/relatives who had faced the same issue, went through various articles on the internet, heard a lot of podcasts about puberty, and discussed things at length with my spouse. And finally, after a lot of ups and downs and a whole lot of mistakes, these are the lessons that I learnt and applied personally in my parenting:

Control to connection
I think this would be my most important and valuable learning of parenting. As a child grows, we need to lessen our control over them and try to deepen our connection with them. Instead of bossing around and making them feel scared, we need to become their friends/mentors and make them feel comfortable in our presence.

Accepting change
We need to accept that our kids are growing, changing, and evolving into adults. We need to accept that change is inevitable and actually helps in their progressive development. Trying to resist change only makes things harder for both the children and parents.

Change of mindset
As parents, we need to change our mindsets that the kids will not accept or do things as they are told, they have every right to say no or question things and that is perfectly normal.

Deal with your own emotional stress
As parents and caretakers of our children, we too go through a lot of emotional stress. Yoga, meditation, hanging out with my friends has always been a stress buster for me. I would strongly recommend you to choose yours. It's only when you are at peace can you make others happy.

Prioritize yourself
Somehow, we have been conditioned as parents that a child always comes first and this whole thought process makes us take a backseat. However, I would suggest that all parents should start focusing on their needs and what makes them happy and have absolutely no regret about it.

Let them make their own mistakes
When we have made our own share of mistakes and learnt from them, then our kids should also be allowed to make mistakes and learn. Trust me, this makes them into a more cautious and confident adult.

Be there to mentor
No one likes bosses. Be there to mentor and guide them when needed. Do not push your ideas or your decisions on them since they will only fire back!

Perfect parent or child
There is nothing like a perfect child or a parent, so please stop stressing. Enjoy your journey, because this too shall pass. As a parent, remember that you also are growing and learning. Please do not be harsh on yourself and keep doing self-appreciation even if no one does!

Fast forward to today, my child is almost an adult. We still have our share of fights and tears. She has started boarding school and leaving her on her own has been one of my toughest decisions ever. Having said that, I have learned that we as parents have to go with the flow, learn to let go, and believe in them and in our upbringing. The more we try to control them, the more they would want to try and break free. So, trust yourself and trust them and make beautiful memories in this amazing journey of parenting. Remember to enjoy every hardship too because these moments are never coming back.

Puberty hits hard… but, more so on the parents!